saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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