Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
