she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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