thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
