I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
