no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Rumble strips road head = magical
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
