I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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