Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
