My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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