If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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