I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
