Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
