Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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