You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
