i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
