Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
