We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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