carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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