why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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