last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You pole danced in your parka.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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