i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
