I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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