Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
