Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
