He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
