I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
