You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
