My liver just broke up with me...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
