cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize