you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
