well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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