I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
bring money and cleavage
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
