I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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