Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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