suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
