So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
