I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
