I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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