Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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