I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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