Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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