Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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