you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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