I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
