so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
