Got a toothbrush?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
