Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
