Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
