I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Houston, we have a blender
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
