I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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