Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
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Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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