Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
