A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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