i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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