Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
