I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
