I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
