I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
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Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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