A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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