She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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