I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
