Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
