i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He shit in the fireplace
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Someone signed my nipple.
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