I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
