if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
