I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I deserve this hangover.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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