Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
