My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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