We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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