wakey wakey hands off snakey
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
