Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
