We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
