oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
